When I'm in the classroom teaching, I often ask questions to my students about their own experiences, beliefs, or attitudes. Sometimes I will ask for a show of hands to get a sense of differences within the whole group. An old teaching technique is to raise your own hand when you ask for people to raise their hands in resonse to the question--psychologically the students will feel more at ease participating when they see someone else's hand up--or maybe the act just keeps their attention better so they are more apt to be focusing on me and thus be quicker to react (I have no idea if this is really scientific--but I buy into it anyway).
Typically I raise my hand with every response option (for both agree and disagree, for having experienced X and Y, etc.). It has become an automatic response pattern for me.
Once is a while I conduct stake or ward business at church. I stand at the pulpit or at the front of a quorum meeting and announce the name(s) of someone who has been issues a calling to serve at some capacity in the church. When I ask for a sustaining vote (of approval), I raise my hand along with the congregation--a typical convention for the person aksing for the vote (and I am also voting along with the congregation). Then I ask for the opposing vote.
Every time I sit back down, I start wondering if I raised my hand both times. It's not the most comfortable sensation.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Loss of the Sacred?
How do you explain sacredness to someone who has no or little experience with it--especially in religious matters? I've thought a bit about this question--sacredness is a somewhat abstract concept. When someone has experienced it, they more easily recognize it again. I think one can better appreciate sacredness from another person's viewpoint even if the sacredness is not obvious or personally meaningful.
I've heard it said that society is losing its sense the sacred. I can see that, I think. I'm not really that old, so it is difficult for me to make a comparison over a significant amount of time through consistently adult eyes. I also know each generation has a propensity to think that life during the previous generations was safer, calmer, more reasonable, and more virtuous. While there may be some validity to specific claims in this regard, I sometimes wonder if such claims are part of human nature--perceiving simple changes around them as a negative trend. So, perhaps society is deteriorating in terms of the sacred; I'm sure a good case can be made.
I think one part of sacredness is scarcity or unfamiliarity. Old Testament folks did not speak the name of God--so I understand. When you see or hear something every day and in a casual setting, it is easy to become habituated to it and have it lose something--it becomes invisible due to the extensive exposure. In our modern media world, fewer things are kept unfamiliar and formal. With so many forms of media competing for consumer attention, there is a propensity to push the envelope, get a different angle on things, and be the first to expose something. This seems somewhat counter to sacredness. On the other hand, the media could arguably present something a certain way as to give it more awe and gravitas--but that's perhaps an exceptional approach (unless enough media choose to idealize a certain ideology or person).
Imagine, if you will, you are a parent of a young child--maybe a 6 years old--who is drawing last breaths. The parents and siblings are situated around the child's bed comforting the dieing child, sharing tender moments, crying, holding, saying their goodbyes. A hired nurse is standing just outside the bedroom and overhears what the child says to the parents and siblings. Imagine you are somewhat of a celebrity--not a household name, but most have heard of you, some follow you closely. This nurse calls a few tabloids and cable gossip shows and reports from memory all that was said. These entertainment entities decide to report the specifics of the conversation--not necessarily in a mocking manner, but with intimate detail. The next evening you discover that millions of strangers across the country have been privy to that moment in your life. Websites and news organizations link to the story and upload video segments of the shows. How would you feel?
I see sacredness in this scenario, and I see desensitivity to sacredness (at the least). Some non-parents mayhave a harder time relating to it, but I think most people would feel for this family and see the violation here. The sacredness is not the pain the parents feel about the death of their child, however. The circumstances act to create the sacredness.
Now, if someone is wondering why Mormons may feel violated by having some of (if not the) their most sacred religious rituals piped into millions of living rooms and potentially countless internet connections (with indefinite availability), for the sake of someone else making money (as the most benign possible motive that may be behind it), consider how violated those parents might feel when their sacred moments were treated as they were, and perhaps multiply that feeling (not the sorrow of the loss, but the feelings associated with the their sacred moment being broadcast publicly without consent) a few times. That's a start.
I've heard it said that society is losing its sense the sacred. I can see that, I think. I'm not really that old, so it is difficult for me to make a comparison over a significant amount of time through consistently adult eyes. I also know each generation has a propensity to think that life during the previous generations was safer, calmer, more reasonable, and more virtuous. While there may be some validity to specific claims in this regard, I sometimes wonder if such claims are part of human nature--perceiving simple changes around them as a negative trend. So, perhaps society is deteriorating in terms of the sacred; I'm sure a good case can be made.
I think one part of sacredness is scarcity or unfamiliarity. Old Testament folks did not speak the name of God--so I understand. When you see or hear something every day and in a casual setting, it is easy to become habituated to it and have it lose something--it becomes invisible due to the extensive exposure. In our modern media world, fewer things are kept unfamiliar and formal. With so many forms of media competing for consumer attention, there is a propensity to push the envelope, get a different angle on things, and be the first to expose something. This seems somewhat counter to sacredness. On the other hand, the media could arguably present something a certain way as to give it more awe and gravitas--but that's perhaps an exceptional approach (unless enough media choose to idealize a certain ideology or person).
Imagine, if you will, you are a parent of a young child--maybe a 6 years old--who is drawing last breaths. The parents and siblings are situated around the child's bed comforting the dieing child, sharing tender moments, crying, holding, saying their goodbyes. A hired nurse is standing just outside the bedroom and overhears what the child says to the parents and siblings. Imagine you are somewhat of a celebrity--not a household name, but most have heard of you, some follow you closely. This nurse calls a few tabloids and cable gossip shows and reports from memory all that was said. These entertainment entities decide to report the specifics of the conversation--not necessarily in a mocking manner, but with intimate detail. The next evening you discover that millions of strangers across the country have been privy to that moment in your life. Websites and news organizations link to the story and upload video segments of the shows. How would you feel?
I see sacredness in this scenario, and I see desensitivity to sacredness (at the least). Some non-parents mayhave a harder time relating to it, but I think most people would feel for this family and see the violation here. The sacredness is not the pain the parents feel about the death of their child, however. The circumstances act to create the sacredness.
Now, if someone is wondering why Mormons may feel violated by having some of (if not the) their most sacred religious rituals piped into millions of living rooms and potentially countless internet connections (with indefinite availability), for the sake of someone else making money (as the most benign possible motive that may be behind it), consider how violated those parents might feel when their sacred moments were treated as they were, and perhaps multiply that feeling (not the sorrow of the loss, but the feelings associated with the their sacred moment being broadcast publicly without consent) a few times. That's a start.
Monday, March 2, 2009
A Recommendation
I know everyone is eagerly looking for something else to read on this thing we call the internet. I realize we are so pressed for something to do something besides sit around and ponder this Titanic we call daily American life. Perhaps I can save you just a couple twiddles of those thumbs (just a couple, though).
I've been following a new blog. I know the person hosting it, and I was asked that I help keep the identity of the author anonymous. The person is a college professor and wants to be able to be frank even when it is not politically correct at times, without fear that opinions will be traced back to the author. I'm not sure if that is completely necessary, but I will honor the request.
Some of you may appreciate the kinds of topics broached, especially since they have to do with issues about family and society. I recommend you check it out and then decide if it is something you might be interested in following.
A Family Scholar
Actually, that blog is king of riding that Titanic too, but you can multitask.
I've been following a new blog. I know the person hosting it, and I was asked that I help keep the identity of the author anonymous. The person is a college professor and wants to be able to be frank even when it is not politically correct at times, without fear that opinions will be traced back to the author. I'm not sure if that is completely necessary, but I will honor the request.
Some of you may appreciate the kinds of topics broached, especially since they have to do with issues about family and society. I recommend you check it out and then decide if it is something you might be interested in following.
A Family Scholar
Actually, that blog is king of riding that Titanic too, but you can multitask.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
The Age of Party
It's a bit sobering when your children go to a birthday party and the retro theme is the decade in which you were a teen.
Next thing I know my music will be playing on the "oldies" radio station.
Ouch! Sorry, my arthritis flared up while typing.
Does this font look small to you?!
What was I saying...?
Thursday, February 5, 2009
A Chance to Influence
I had an interesting email exchange today. I was preparing for a class and had found some points made in the textbook I use that I wanted some clarity on. The first was about some claims he made about length of courtship and marital satisfaction that weren't really backed up by the citations he provided, and the second was about polygamy and Mormons about which he wrote with a slant that I thought was based on questionable assumptions. I looked up the author, cautiously wrote him an email, and wondered if he would get back to me. It didn't take long.
My original email:
Hello, Dr. _____.
I have used your textbook for years and appreciate the work you and your wife have put into it. At the risk of coming across as critical (truly I hope this message does not come across with a negative tone—I know emails can easily do that even if unintended), I wanted to share with you a question and an observation I have.
You note in at least a couple of places that...[I ask him about something in his text regarding courtship that is inconsistent with research, and not very substantiated].
Also, I found your explanation for why polygyny [polygyny is the precise term for one man married to multiple women] is not prosecuted in Utah to be somewhat lacking or simplistic [He basically stated as his main reason that Mormons are hesitant or unwilling to prosecute other Mormons for bigamy, even though not all Mormons practice polygamy]. You may be aware that some years ago Arizona did aggressively pursue such families, removing their children, and received great backlash (and apparently some initial support from the LDS Church). A very similar thing happened in Texas recently—with a similar result (much criticism of the Texas government from non-Mormons all over the country). Texas is not aggressively prosecuting polygyny, yet the Mormon influence there is nothing like Utah. It doesn’t appear that other states with pockets of these groups are prosecuting either—yet Utah did prosecute a Mr. Green (I believe) recently.
Plus, Mormons in Utah are generally embarrassed by these splinter groups that practice polygyny, and if anything are eager to distance themselves from them. At least this is another way of looking at it from my own observations (as a Mormon who lived in Utah for 5 years and who follows family policy issues as they arise around the country)—and I don’t know what sources you used for your information so I can’t critique them. I’m sure there is some truth to the explanations you offer (at the very least Mormons will be generally defensive toward attempts to limit religious freedom and to break up families), but whether they are the predominant reasons seems very questionable. For what it’s worth.
Thanks, and I look forward to future editions of your text.
****************************
His reply:
[My first name]
I appreciate your email. And both points are valid. Let me write to a couple of my colleagues about the courtship issue. The other issue, help me to understand the issue of why or why not a state prosecutes polygyny in Mormon families.
And, what is your take on Big Love...the HBO program.
Best,
[His first name]
******************************
My Reply:
[His First Name], I appreciate your openness to my feedback, and for looking further into the courtship issue.
My overall point about the polygamy issue is that the religion factor in Utah may be a much more minor a reason for the lack of prosecution compared to the likely main reason it isn’t happening elsewhere either: people in general don’t have a stomach for taking kids away from parents or taking parents away from their children and locking them up, esp. when society is becoming increasingly open to “nontraditional” (kind of an ironic term in this sense) relationship forms among adults. And, as you mentioned, trying to prioritize government resources that target criminals. I’ve not studied the phenomenon systematically, but those are my observations.
I’ve not seen Big Love—if I had HBO I would probably have been curious enough to check it out (though apparently not curious enough to rent it or check it out from the library), though I am certainly aware of the show. I know of some Mormons don’t like it because they don’t want to be associated with polygamy (and this show arguably helps keep the connection alive), and some who watch the show and enjoy it. I think it could be an interesting vehicle in challenging peoples’ contemporary assumptions about love and marriage.
Thanks again.
[My First Name]
*******************************
His Reply:
[My First Name]
I am now revising [Name of textbook] and will put in your explanation of why limited prosecution. I like it.
And if you find data on how long is the best courtship let me know.
Best,
[His First Name]
**********************************
My Reply:
Well, that’s putting a lot of faith in some guy typing on his keyboard a few states away, but that’s your call! Again, I appreciate your openness to my input, and will certainly pass anything along that seems to shed light on courtship length in regard to marital satisfaction, divorce, or other marital issues.
Thanks again.
[My First Name]
********************************
His Reply:
[My First Name]
You're not some guy sitting in a bus station....You are a Ph.D. at [University name] in the career of marriage and family. You also are a Mormon and have more information/insight in this area.
For the record, i attributed the new information to you ....
[His First Name]
P.S. Also for the record, when I get to the section on "successful marriage" I have a Mormon couple who have been married 53 years come in and talk about their marriage, children and grandchildren. Their presentation ends with the husband putting on his accordion and singing a love song to his wife....students get the point by SEEING a love that lasts.
***********************************
My Reply:
[His First Name]
Looks like I should invest in an accordion—though my wife would probably prefer something quieter—like a heart-shaped mint chocolate bar!
That’s a nice idea for a class presentation.
...
[My First Name]
****************************
On my way home I realized that I should actually see how he refers to my sentiments before it shows up in print. We exchanged another email with the exact quote I sent in the paragraph above starting "My overall point...," after the section that already exists in the book. So, he's giving me an opportunity to offer an alternative explanation. Fair enough.
My original email:
Hello, Dr. _____.
I have used your textbook for years and appreciate the work you and your wife have put into it. At the risk of coming across as critical (truly I hope this message does not come across with a negative tone—I know emails can easily do that even if unintended), I wanted to share with you a question and an observation I have.
You note in at least a couple of places that...[I ask him about something in his text regarding courtship that is inconsistent with research, and not very substantiated].
Also, I found your explanation for why polygyny [polygyny is the precise term for one man married to multiple women] is not prosecuted in Utah to be somewhat lacking or simplistic [He basically stated as his main reason that Mormons are hesitant or unwilling to prosecute other Mormons for bigamy, even though not all Mormons practice polygamy]. You may be aware that some years ago Arizona did aggressively pursue such families, removing their children, and received great backlash (and apparently some initial support from the LDS Church). A very similar thing happened in Texas recently—with a similar result (much criticism of the Texas government from non-Mormons all over the country). Texas is not aggressively prosecuting polygyny, yet the Mormon influence there is nothing like Utah. It doesn’t appear that other states with pockets of these groups are prosecuting either—yet Utah did prosecute a Mr. Green (I believe) recently.
Plus, Mormons in Utah are generally embarrassed by these splinter groups that practice polygyny, and if anything are eager to distance themselves from them. At least this is another way of looking at it from my own observations (as a Mormon who lived in Utah for 5 years and who follows family policy issues as they arise around the country)—and I don’t know what sources you used for your information so I can’t critique them. I’m sure there is some truth to the explanations you offer (at the very least Mormons will be generally defensive toward attempts to limit religious freedom and to break up families), but whether they are the predominant reasons seems very questionable. For what it’s worth.
Thanks, and I look forward to future editions of your text.
****************************
His reply:
[My first name]
I appreciate your email. And both points are valid. Let me write to a couple of my colleagues about the courtship issue. The other issue, help me to understand the issue of why or why not a state prosecutes polygyny in Mormon families.
And, what is your take on Big Love...the HBO program.
Best,
[His first name]
******************************
My Reply:
[His First Name], I appreciate your openness to my feedback, and for looking further into the courtship issue.
My overall point about the polygamy issue is that the religion factor in Utah may be a much more minor a reason for the lack of prosecution compared to the likely main reason it isn’t happening elsewhere either: people in general don’t have a stomach for taking kids away from parents or taking parents away from their children and locking them up, esp. when society is becoming increasingly open to “nontraditional” (kind of an ironic term in this sense) relationship forms among adults. And, as you mentioned, trying to prioritize government resources that target criminals. I’ve not studied the phenomenon systematically, but those are my observations.
I’ve not seen Big Love—if I had HBO I would probably have been curious enough to check it out (though apparently not curious enough to rent it or check it out from the library), though I am certainly aware of the show. I know of some Mormons don’t like it because they don’t want to be associated with polygamy (and this show arguably helps keep the connection alive), and some who watch the show and enjoy it. I think it could be an interesting vehicle in challenging peoples’ contemporary assumptions about love and marriage.
Thanks again.
[My First Name]
*******************************
His Reply:
[My First Name]
I am now revising [Name of textbook] and will put in your explanation of why limited prosecution. I like it.
And if you find data on how long is the best courtship let me know.
Best,
[His First Name]
**********************************
My Reply:
Well, that’s putting a lot of faith in some guy typing on his keyboard a few states away, but that’s your call! Again, I appreciate your openness to my input, and will certainly pass anything along that seems to shed light on courtship length in regard to marital satisfaction, divorce, or other marital issues.
Thanks again.
[My First Name]
********************************
His Reply:
[My First Name]
You're not some guy sitting in a bus station....You are a Ph.D. at [University name] in the career of marriage and family. You also are a Mormon and have more information/insight in this area.
For the record, i attributed the new information to you ....
[His First Name]
P.S. Also for the record, when I get to the section on "successful marriage" I have a Mormon couple who have been married 53 years come in and talk about their marriage, children and grandchildren. Their presentation ends with the husband putting on his accordion and singing a love song to his wife....students get the point by SEEING a love that lasts.
***********************************
My Reply:
[His First Name]
Looks like I should invest in an accordion—though my wife would probably prefer something quieter—like a heart-shaped mint chocolate bar!
That’s a nice idea for a class presentation.
...
[My First Name]
****************************
On my way home I realized that I should actually see how he refers to my sentiments before it shows up in print. We exchanged another email with the exact quote I sent in the paragraph above starting "My overall point...," after the section that already exists in the book. So, he's giving me an opportunity to offer an alternative explanation. Fair enough.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
A Fawn Memmory
Not long after our first daughter was born, my sister-in-law (who was just a lovely teenager back then) commented in great relief that at least now she knew that she wouldn't have to marry a good looking man in order to have a cute baby.
It obviously haunts me 12 years later or it wouldn't have bubbled into my consciousness while sitting in church this morning--despite my attentiveness to the talks that--to my awareness--had nothing to do with this memory.
So, I guess I have only one alternative--hair plugs.
Yet, as I think about it, I had a thick head of hair back then, so that won't do it.
Anyone know a good plastic surgeon?
Oh well. I guess I can thank her for all the character-building her comment has promoted all these years--my inner beauty has benefited tremendously once I realized that my supermodel facade was imaginary. Such brutal honesty, such beautiful results.
Thanks _______, for your generously-shared insight--I don't know where I'd be without you (except perhaps still knocking on model agency doors wondering why everyone was in such denial).
And, I wouldn't have this random post to write, so it's a net gain for sure! (*wink*)
It obviously haunts me 12 years later or it wouldn't have bubbled into my consciousness while sitting in church this morning--despite my attentiveness to the talks that--to my awareness--had nothing to do with this memory.
So, I guess I have only one alternative--hair plugs.
Yet, as I think about it, I had a thick head of hair back then, so that won't do it.
Anyone know a good plastic surgeon?
Oh well. I guess I can thank her for all the character-building her comment has promoted all these years--my inner beauty has benefited tremendously once I realized that my supermodel facade was imaginary. Such brutal honesty, such beautiful results.
Thanks _______, for your generously-shared insight--I don't know where I'd be without you (except perhaps still knocking on model agency doors wondering why everyone was in such denial).
And, I wouldn't have this random post to write, so it's a net gain for sure! (*wink*)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
